Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
my poor anus
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
