omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
