His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
