Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
