the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
