i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
