I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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