the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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