True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
is it fun? or sober?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
