Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
