I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
