Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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