I think I died a long time ago.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
