I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
