I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
