She is in my trunk
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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