god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
