Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
