i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
