why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
