She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
