When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
