I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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