You can't special order awesome
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
