she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
