get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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