i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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