We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
