Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
