I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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