wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
