he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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