I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
