I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
