Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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