god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
