i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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