matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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