A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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