Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
