no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
