Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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