i think my tv is drunk
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
