It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i drank out of a bidet.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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