I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wish you could order shots online.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
