I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
