I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize