if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
