So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
