he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
