my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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