I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
